Climbing 8a Vs Looking like you Climb 8a

After a few attempts at climbing 7a I realised 8a would probably have to be saved for a later trip, or perhaps for someone else. Not wanting to be left behind, however, has led me to some other (vastly easier to achieve) conclusions…

If you look like this when you try to climb 7a:

Bolt to bolt baby

But want to feel like you can climb 8a; then follow these simple steps….

• The Spanish mullet. Not too much mullet and not kept, this mullet must be left unkempt to provide the whole look (*the 8a)

• Lots of mañana. In Spanish Mañana means: tomorrow and can be used as an excuse for (as far as I can tell) anything:

a.     “We will climb 8a mañana”

b.     “The shop will be open mañana”

c.      “Mañana my skin will be better for climbing”

d.     “The weather will be better for climbing mañana”

e.      “Mañana climbing 8a will be easier”

f.      “Mañana the holds will be bigger meaning I will get less pumped”

The Sickness

During the last week of the Euro-Tour I was visited by two old friends from asia: Sumsik Guy and Someguy Ill. What a delightful way to spend the last week; huddled over in pain unsure as to what end of me would erupt next. I had ‘the sickness’ and (in the words of the BISHOP*) ‘did not want it’. But anyway.

A night of rum and techno only compounded the issue leaving me weak. All attempts to suck the poison out had failed leaving us with very few options. During the morning I began to binge eat thinking a four egg, 3-cheese omelette would settle my stomach. The day continued with some McDonalds but the tender stomach would just not settle. I walked around on a beach somewhere in southern France, admiring their liberal attitudes towards topless sunbathing, contemplating what to do. My stomach was not digesting anything and I was starting to walk abdomen first everywhere because of the pain. My head was hurting; mostly to dehydration from last nights’ rum session, so I started into some water. 2L down, I handed her the car keys and conceded that I was perhaps sick. The 2L of water obviously topped me off to full, which quickly exited the way it went down. Perhaps drinking from the stagnant crag pond had not been a good idea. Thus began the long journey back to the UK with my new friends Sumsik Guy and Someguy Ill. Fortunately the shivering and vomit did stop and make way for some bad bottom. 

Post beach pre-vom

Bedding down in the Golf